The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful
consideration, I regret to inform you that I am
unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in
receiving an unusually large number of rejection
letters.  With such a varied and promising field of
candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and
previous experience in rejecting applicants,
I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of
assistant professor in your department this August. 
I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen