Gotta Love the Swedes

Old Folk are the Bizness

Click the Title. Respect the Jews.

mmmm.... Tastes like "Chicken without sexual life"

For all my Seinfeld Boys

Hey HughMan....

FOREIGN FILMS SUCK BIG HAIRY BALL SACKS!!!!!!

and my boy Cletus agrees....

fancy food

The Most Expensive Junk Food:

CHIEF RABBI’S ROSH HASHANAH MESSAGE

CHIEF RABBI’S ROSH HASHANAH MESSAGE

This past year things have not gone easily for Jews, for Israel or the world. In Britain there has been a continuing campaign of demonisation against Israel. Elsewhere terror and violence have reduced entire countries to what Hobbes called ‘the war of every man against every man’ in which life is ‘nasty, brutish and short’. What is it that we are living through?
The answer is change. Of all things, change – massive, rapid and systemic – is the hardest to live through. We crave the familiar. We need stability. Change is a form of bereavement. We lose the world we once knew. When epoch-making change occurs, there are violent upheavals. It happened in Europe in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries after the invention of printing. It happened again in the twentieth century as an after-effect of the industrial revolution. It is happening in our time in the aftermath of globalisation, one of the most profound changes in the history of civilization.
Change creates crises of many kinds, but of these, the most important is spiritual. When timeless values are being threatened, do we react by fighting change, if necessary by violence? Do we simply yield to it? Or is there a third possibility? Strangely enough, that is the theme of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
The Hebrew word for year, shanah, comes from a root that also means two apparent opposites: ‘to change’ and ‘to repeat’. It embodies the paradox of time. On the one hand there are certain cycles – the seasons, the phases of life – that repeat themselves endlessly. On the other, there is change, sometimes profound and irreversible. We cannot go back to the way things were before computers, mobile phones or nanotechnology. Hence we need the inner resources to deal with the uncertain and the unpredictable.

Judaism’s answer is summed up in three words in one of the key prayers on these holy days: teshuvah, tefillah and tzedakah. Teshuvah, penitence, means that in an uncertain world we make mistakes, but we acknowledge them, apologise, set ourselves to do better next time, and move on. Tefillah, prayer, means that we are not alone. God is with us as we journey to our unknown destination. Tzedakah, charity and justice, means that we are there to help those who suffer as a result of change. Some benefit, others lose, and we are commanded to help those who lose.
Judaism is our internal compass, showing us the direction even when we lack a map. It is no coincidence that the holiest object in Judaism is a Sefer Torah, something portable. In the tabernacle and Temple, the carrying poles were never removed from the ark, so that the Torah was always ready to accompany the Israelites even if they had to move suddenly. Jews have long known insecurity, and we are prepared for it. For though the world changes, our values do not. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the two festivals of time itself, are an education in how to face the future without fear.
So, whether we face anti-Zionism or wider anti-Semitism or more personal difficulties, it is during these days that we gather the inner strength to do so in the confidence of trust and faith. The values Judaism taught – the sanctity of life, the dignity of the individual and the imperative of peace – remain as compelling today as they did when Moses first communicated them. We are not alone. God is with us. So we travel through the wilderness of time without trepidation, without anxiety, without fear. Our values, our faith, our way of life, do not change. That is why we can cope with change, neither fighting it nor being intimidated by it.
This year let us pray with added fervour for peace: for Israel, for our extended family the Jewish people, and for the world. Let us open our hearts to the Divine presence, that we may face the future without fear. May the God of life write you, and Israel, and humankind in the Book of Life.

בברכת שנה טובה

Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks
Rosh Hashanah 5768

bad day

oversexed but underfucked

Truth or dare

Talking about it is one thing, telling the truth quite another: consulting the experts, Karim El-Khashab dares divulge the taboo of taboos:

"Considering that marriage -- an extremely expensive procedure -- remains the only legitimate means to having sex, the figures might as well speak for themselves: seven million unemployed, nine million unmarried over 30, and 40 per cent of marriages between cousins (something that is particularly true of the provinces). No wonder sexual frustration is rife: a marriage based on family interests -- to appease the elders or keep wealth within the family -- as opposed to genuine affection and understanding, is unlikely to sustain a healthy sex life."

Read the whole article here, or hit the picture

Mideast Rules to Live by - THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN (Dec 2006)

"For a long time, I let my hopes for a decent outcome in Iraq triumph over what I had learned reporting from Lebanon during its civil war. Those hopes vanished last summer. So, I'd like to offer President Bush my updated rules of Middle East reporting, which also apply to diplomacy, in hopes they'll help him figure out what to do next in Iraq.

Rule 1: What people tell you in private in the Middle East is irrelevant. All that matters is what they will defend in public in their own language. Anything said to you in English, in private, doesn't count. In Washington, officials lie in public and tell the truth off the record. In the Mideast, officials say what they really believe in public and tell you what you want to hear in private.

Rule 2: Any reporter or U.S. Army officer wanting to serve in Iraq should have to take a test, consisting of one question: "Do you think the shortest distance between two points is a straight line?" If you answer yes, you can't go to Iraq. You can serve in Japan, Korea or Germany but not in Iraq.

Rule 3: If you can't explain something to Middle Easterners with a conspiracy theory, then don't try to explain it at all; they won't believe it.

Rule 4: In the Middle East, never take a concession, except out of the mouth of the person doing the conceding. If I had a dollar for every time someone agreed to recognize Israel on behalf of Yasir Arafat, I could paper my walls.

Rule 5: Never lead your story out of Lebanon, Gaza or Iraq with a cease-fire; it will always be over before the next morning's paper.

Rule 6: In the Middle East, the extremists go all the way, and the moderates tend to just go away.

Rule 7: The most oft-used expression by moderate Arab pols is: "We were just about to stand up to the bad guys when you stupid Americans did that stupid thing. Had you stupid Americans not done that stupid thing, we would have stood up, but now it's too
late. It's all your fault for being so stupid."

Rule 8: Civil wars in the Arab world are rarely about ideas like liberalism vs. communism. They are about which tribe gets to rule. So, yes, Iraq is having a civil war as we once did. But there is no Abe Lincoln in this war. It's the South vs. the South.

Rule 9: In Middle East tribal politics there is rarely a happy medium. When one side is weak, it will tell you, "I'm weak, how can I compromise?" And when it's strong, it will tell you, "I'm strong, why should I compromise?"

Rule 10: Mideast civil wars end in one of three ways: a) like the U.S. civil war, with one side vanquishing the other; b) like the Cyprus civil war, with a hard partition and a wall dividing the parties; or c) like the Lebanon civil war, with a soft partition under an iron fist (Syria) that keeps everyone in line. Saddam used to be the iron fist in Iraq. Now it is us. If we don't want to play that role, Iraq's civil war will end with A or B.

Rule 11: The most underestimated emotion in Arab politics is humiliation. The Israeli-Arab conflict, for instance, is not just about borders. Israel's mere existence is a daily humiliation to Muslims, who can't understand how, if they have the superior religion, Israel can be so powerful. Al Jazeera's editor, Ahmed Sheikh, said it best when he recently told the Swiss weekly Die Weltwoche: "It gnaws at the people in the Middle East that such a small country as Israel, with only about seven million inhabitants, can defeat the Arab nation with its 350 million. That hurts our collective ego. The Palestinian problem is in the genes of every Arab. The West's problem is that it does not understand this."

Rule 12: Thus, the Israelis will always win, and the Palestinians will always make sure they never enjoy it. Everything else is just commentary.

Rule 13: Our first priority is democracy, but the Arabs' first priority is "justice." The oft-warring Arab tribes are all wounded souls, who really have been hurt by colonial powers, by Jewish settlements on Palestinian land, by Arab kings and dictators, and, most of all, by each other in endless tribal wars. For Iraq's long-abused Shiite majority, democracy is first and foremost a vehicle to get justice. Ditto the Kurds. For the minority Sunnis, democracy in Iraq is a vehicle of injustice. For us, democracy is all about protecting minority rights. For them, democracy is first about consolidating majority rights and getting justice.

Rule 14: The Lebanese historian Kamal Salibi had it right: "Great powers should never get involved in the politics of small tribes."

Rule 15: Whether it is Arab-Israeli peace or democracy in Iraq, you can't want it more than they do.

how products are made

Kind of like Wikipedia, but much more detailed. Heaven for the curious... Hit the picture or click here

"For example, you can find here descriptions of Air Bag, Air Conditioner, Artificial Snow, Automobile, Battery, Blue Jeans, Chewing Gum, Coin, Compact Disc, Credit Card, DVD Player, Fireworks, Hologram, Jet Engine, Laser Pointer, Liquid Crystal Display (LCD), Nuclear Submarine, Paint, Popcorn, Refrigerator, Telephone, Television, Temporary Tattoo, Vaccine, Vacuum Cleaner or Watch."

Lizas Welt - Hemmungslose Herrenrasse

"...Gleichzeitig vergisst kaum jemand zu betonen, im Osten gebe es nach zwei Diktaturen nun mal ein Demokratiedefizit – was wohl heißen soll, dass die jeweiligen Schläger oder Messerstecher nicht so recht Herr ihrer Sinne, sondern letztlich auch nur Opfer der Verhältnisse seien, Modernisierungsverlierer sozusagen. In der betroffenen Ortschaft zeigt man sich dessen ungeachtet störrisch, lässt die Jalousien herunter, weist alle Vorwürfe von sich und schilt die Medien, die das alles bloß hochspielten. Im Fall der Attacke eines fünfzigköpfigen deutschen Pogrompöbels auf acht Inder in Mügeln war das kein bisschen anders..." http://lizaswelt.blogspot.com/2007/08/hemmungslose-herrenrasse.html

panikmache und politik (german)

Panikmache und Politik

Von Professor Walter Krämer

"Der Normalfall ist Panik als individualpsychologisches Phänomen. Man hat Angst, und weil man Angst hat, tut man Dinge, die man sonst nicht täte. Nach diesem Prinzip funktioniert die Katholische Kirche seit fast 2000 Jahren ganz ausgezeichnet. Und es wäre fast schon ein Wunder, würde dieser Mechanismus nicht auch von anderen interessierten Kreisen im privaten und öffentlichen Leben ausgenutzt. Von politischen Parteien sowieso, aber auch von anderen..."

http://www.achgut.com/dadgdx/index.php/spotlight/panikmache_und_politik/

Iceland and the 1947 UN Partition Plan for Palastine

Henryk Broder quotes a passage from Abba Eban's autobiography:

"The members designated to explore an “agreed solution” were Australia, Thailand and Iceland. The Icelandic delegate, Ambassador Thor Thors, was to be the rapporteur. By the morning of November 29 the Thai delegate, Prince Wan, had prudently departed for Bangkok on the Queen Mary, ostensibly on the grounds that a revolutionary situation existed in his country, but actually in order to avoid having to cast a vote against partition. There was still some apprehension in Jewish Agency circles lest the Assembly seize on an optimistic remark by the Icelandic representative in order to defer a partition vote and explore the figment of an agreed solution. At any rate, Thor Thors would be the first speaker on that historic day, and it seemed urgent to ensure that he would set up a positive momentum. Accordingly, I began my day on November 29, 1947, with a visit to him at the Barclay Hotel..."

Continue here or hit the picture

"Jüdische Stimme für einen gerechten Frieden" boykottiert israelische Waren bei Kaufhof

Liza's Welt -
"Ein Dutzend Nebbichs"
http://lizaswelt.blogspot.com/2007/08/ein-dutzend-nebbichs.html

Achse des Guten -
"Völkerrechswidrige Kichererbsen bei Kaufhof" - Henryk M. Broder
http://www.achgut.com/dadgdx/index.php/dadgd/article/voelkerrechswidrige_kichererbsen_bei_kaufhof/

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

http://boardofwisdom.com/printquote.asp?msgid=9498

us navy

raucherverbot - kommentar von david harnasch

Raucherverbot
"Als ich vor vier Jahren die letzte
Zigarette genoss und beschloss, fortan nicht praktizierender Raucher zu sein, nahm ich mir fest vor, keinesfalls ein Arschloch-Nichtraucher zu werden. Sollte ich derartige Tendenzen an mir feststellen würde ich mir sofort eine anzünden, lautete mein Schwur mir selbst gegenüber..."

SUITS SUCK!

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful
consideration, I regret to inform you that I am
unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in
receiving an unusually large number of rejection
letters.  With such a varied and promising field of
candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and
previous experience in rejecting applicants,
I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of
assistant professor in your department this August. 
I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen